I have another lover... well, several, actually

Gosh, hubby, it's really swell that you still find me attractive and got all hard for me! It's just that, you do nothing for me sexually! That's why I have another lover... well, several, actually!

They take care of me physically in ways that you never could, with your dickie being so small and all! I know you're all worked up, but I'm not. And I can't pretend I am. I love you too much to do that to you! Now let's get dressed and we can still go out to eat on out anniversary!

And afterwards, you can drive me over to his house! Then you'll have the evening free to do whatever you want! Doesn't that sound great? You should thank me for being so thoughtful, too! Not many wives are this thoughtful...

Your dickie being so small