I need sex with strangers or my friend's partners

Stop it. Stop making a fuss about what I did at the weekend. We both know you need it. As the weekend approaches you'll get more and more worried and excited.

By Thursday the arguments will have stopped and you won't be able to keep your hand off your constant boner as you think about what I'll be doing that weekend. You'll be reliving all the stories of my infidelity I've told you, thinking about mysterious late night calls wondering if that guy had me, remembering the times you've caught me get a stolen kiss at a party with a pal's boyfriend or husband.

All the phone numbers you've found stuffed into my pockets after a night out or the used condoms you've found in the back of my car or rumpled sheets and an unexplained wet patch in our bed when you get back from work. Admit it baby, you need my infidelity every bit as much as I need sex with strangers or my friend's partners. We're a perfect match for each other.

Used condoms you've found in the back of my car