Since you're standing here looking desperate, I have to presume that the letter was true

Do you remember how you and the other boys used to tease me in High School? You called me the chairman of the itty bitty titty committee. That really humiliated me. In fact, I'm still angry about it. Imagine my surprise when I received a letter in the mail with two keys. The letter said that the keys fit a chastity belt that you were wearing. Since you're standing here looking desperate, I have to presume that the letter was true. Drop your drawers so I can see it.

In fact, I'm still angry about it